Just Like Honey

I believe that we're still connecting.
Not in this dimension.
Maybe we were a lover in our past life.
Maybe we're twin flames.
Because I know the fire that burns in you
is the same that burns in me.
I feel it.
I feel it.

2 phases of new moon just passed us by,
Without us gazing into each others eyes.
Without our hands touching.
But I always sense your energy.
Floating around with the air that I breathe.
This separation is needed.
It has something to do with the path.
So I just walk on it.
I keep walking.

I might not always step forward,
Sometimes I'm losing my balance.
I fall, a couple of times.
I look back and found the memories keep following me.
And I agree to carry them with me.

This isn't over.
I should keep walking.
But tonight, I remember one of
your sweetest text that you sent to me
the day after we watched a movie on the cinema;

"U look cute last night."
That memory hits me.
Now, I fall all over again.

It's been 5 months since the last time I had someone to share my story, someone to talk to at the end of the day, someone to cheer me up and calm me down when I was low.

I come to the point that I can't hardly stand for this loneliness anymore. I'm broke and all and I don't have one single friend here with me that have my back. Some people asked: "why is it always about feeling, han? Why do you always think about love? Why is it so important for you to be in a relationship with someone? There is more to life than just always drowning yourself in sadness and complicated feelings"

Ok it's not as simple as that.
Firstly, my life is so messed up right now in every aspect yet I still have couple of things to do and to keep myself busy.
And in the middle of this catastrophy i barely have someone who I can freely tell everything. I don't have anyone that i trust and let my wall go down for them.

I just want to burst into tears.
I just want to explode.
Whenever I feel sad like this, i can't do anything except I just let myself feeling hurt because of the emotion, feeling the pain that equals to physical pain and telling myself that "if it was meant to be like this than I have to accept it and maybe it's the result of something that I did in the past". And I don't have anyone except myself to help me overcome this. No one understand.

I too hope that i was strong enough to keep walking and enduring. I'm in the middle of my 20's and I'm still struggling with this illness without any help.
And I need someone to lift my spirit up and to accompany me along the journey. That's why it is so important to me to be loved and having someone who always there for me. I miss that warm feeling when you feel loved and have someone who encourage you to be strong and believe that you can. This tho, doesn't mean I can't do things by myself, I just want to be true to myself that I'm in a phase where I need a savior. A savior who can make me feel brand new and love myself more.

What bothers me most since a month ago is why people who've once closed to my heart can forget me- forget his feeling about me- not care at all- in a blink of an eye.
Like i can't stop thinking about where i went wrong? Was i never good enough? Or it was just because i'm ugly after all?

I. Can't. Find. The. Answer. Til. Now

And it burdens me every single time maybe til the day i die i have to accept that i will never find the reason why.
I keep myself busy because i know my weakness is i'm not good at forgetting a person or feelings damn i wish i had a cold cold heart or more logic mind.
I decided to made peace with my emotion, not letting the memories ruin what present brings. I'm trying to be cool with it, while inside it was a total catastrophy between my heart and mind. i woke up with this burned and hollow feelings only to start the day, walking to work with tears in my eyes, i feel shamed and frustrated the whole day and getting back to bed at night just to drown myself deeper into this sadness. No it's not sadness, it's a disappointment, it's worse. It's doom. I felt bad most of the time so i won't let myself stay still doing nothing because i'll end up crying in my bed or on the corner of the street on my way home.

I'm struggling and now i feel better each day so yea i'll survive. I know i took my last relationship too serious and put on high expectation so when its ended in all of sudden it traumatized me. Still affected me til now i have zero confidence to initiate another relationship because: trust issue. But i'm moving on and i'm looking forward to find happiness and share it with someone who worth every single effort; sweat, tears, blood and of course who'll love me -because i am me, i'm unpredictable, impulsive and melancholic- not just loving the concept of me in his head.

I was sad back then as you saw it but I'm ok now please dont ask me about his new life, please ask me about my life instead i mean i'm busy now starting a brand with my partner and i'm just trying to make lots of good friends and i'm grateful to be surrounded by those beautiful, talented and nice people you guys i love you. You can ask me about that. Side story: And yeah i found out an anonymous account on instagram took a screenshot of one of my post and made an unnecessary caption about it, stated that 'i can't move on yet' on a month old picture while he was with me, come on man you can do better or go find a job seriously i can help you with the second option.

After all, life goes on. People come and go sometime when we don't even have a clue that we're going to lose them. And it's ok to be sad (just like what he always says) but i believe that we're born to pursue our happiness eventho maybe sadness is your ideal kind of something that make you comfortably happy(?)
I'm happy enough now I have a crush, so i'm just enjoying my routine of staring at him at a coffee shop and taking everything slowly, calmly, getting myself ready while mingle as a single live her life to the fullest. It's not perfect but at least everyday i have something to be thankful for.

Marcheindie 0.2: Work In Progress, Bazaar Kuratif dan Edukasi Brand di Kota Malang.

Setelah pada pertengahan tahun lalu diadakan Marcheindie yang pertama, 18 dan 19 Maret lalu Marcheindie kembali diadakan untuk kali kedua dengan tajuk Marcheindie 0.2: Work In Progress.

Marcheindie merupakan gabungan dua kata yaitu Marche yang dalam bahasa Perancis berarti pasar, dan penambahan kata Indie di belakangnya digunakan para pendirinya untuk mempertegas bahwa ini adalah sebuah gerakan independen. Jadi secara garis besar, Marcheindie adalah wadah yang mempertemukan para pelaku pasar yang bergerak secara independen khususnya di kota Malang.

Mengusung tema Work In Progress yang diterjemahkan sebagai gambaran yang membedakan proses produksi brand premium dengan produksi massal, Marcheindie bertujuan memperkenalkan brand-brand lokal Malang yang berkualitas kepada masyarakat. Marcheindie 0.2 digarap oleh Karolina+ Creative dengan kemasan yang berbeda dari Marcheindie pertama. Bertempat di rooftop Mall Dinoyo City, Marcheindie 2.0 digadang-gadang menjadi salah satu pasar lokal yang ditunggu-tunggu di kota Malang.

Terbagi menjadi dua hari, susunan acara pada hari pertama dibuka dengan pengenalan brand fashion, lifestyle, community dan culinary hasil kurasi. Beberapa brand fashion yang ikut serta dalam Marcheindie kali ini adalah Amber Basic, Labdagatic, D.I.A.P, Nad & Sky, Tatitu Tattoo, Aden Leathercraft, RCH Leather, Ride Inc., dan Clyde. Lalu dilanjutkan dengan leathercraft workshop oleh Aden Leathercraft dan RCH leathercraft,  talkshow bersama Eden Floral Artisan serta talkshow Branding Identity bersama Orkha Creative Studio dan Nad & Sky's Brand.
Marcheindie 0.2 hari pertama diakhiri dengan sajian DJ Senoda yang memainkan lagu-lagu Retro Disco dan House yang menjadi ciri khasnya.

Hari kedua, Sabtu (19/3) bazaar brand lokal Malang tersebut masih berlangsung dengan didampingi oleh penampilan dari band-band Malang juga luar Malang. Much Band mengawali rentetan band Malang yang tampil dengan membawakan beberapa nomor dari album mereka Closest Thing I Can Relate To, seperti Life’s Too Demanding And You’re So Depending dan Carried Away. Break Heart, Break Apart yang merupakan single anyar dari duo pasangan Aulia Anggia dan Dandy Gilang tersebut turut dibawakan di tengah suasana sejuk sehabis hujan. Mereka berdua tampak serasi dengan t-shirt garis-garis yang ternyata tidak mereka rencanakan untuk sama-sama memakainya.

Setelah jeda maghrib, band Indie Rock Malang, Young Savages membuka penampilan mereka dengan sapaan khas kental logat Jawa Timur milik sang Vokalis, Adin Pramudita. Nighty Girl berada di urutan pertama song list yang mereka bawakan bersama dengan tembang andalan, Night Fall yang akan mengisi track album mereka yang sedang digodok. The Experience Brothers, salah satu band luar kota Malang menyambung rangkaian penampil malam itu.  You Can Run But Can't Hide membuat para pengunjung tak bisa sembunyi dari menyaksikan duo gitar dan drum yang memainkan psychedelic rock blues tersebut.
Dilanjutkan dengan L'alphalpha dan DJ set MMS (Menikmati Musik Selamanya) yang berhasil membuat penonton bergoyang dengan koleksi lagu legendaris dan retronya, hari terakhir Marcheindie 0.2 ditutup dengan penampilan Rumah Sakit yang membawakan beberapa lagu yang telah ditunggu penonton, diantaranya Duniawi dari album Timeless (2015) dan tentu saja Hilang yang membawa kita bernostalgia ke era akhir '90an.

Marcheindie 0.2 patut mendapat apresiasi khususnya dari masyarakat Malang itu sendiri. Dengan harga tiket IDR 40k untuk 2 hari, pengunjung mendapatkan edukasi tentang brand lokal Malang dan pergerakan pasar indie Malang, bazaar serta panggung hiburan yang disuguhkan. Diadakannya acara ini diharapkan dapat membangkitkan kesadaran dan kecintaan masyarakat Malang akan produk lokal dan pergerakan independen lokal yang bernilai positif.

Sesulit-sulitnya bersyukur adalah bersyukur di kala sulit.
Namun berhasil merasa syukur di saat sulit lah yang sebenernya mencukupi kita.
Menyelamatkan kita dari kesulitan berikutnya.

Dalam 1 hari, sebenarnya banyak hal yang patut disyukuri.
Namun tampaknya lumrah manusia yang selalu merasa kurang dan malah fokus pada rasa kurang tersebut.
Karena itulah bersyukur menjadi hal yang tidak mudah.
Pun bagi saya, maka dari itu saya ingin mulai mencoba untuk paling tidak mengingat 1 hal yang wajib disyukuri pada tiap 1 hari. Dengan begitu saya berharap akan terbiasa untuk selalu merasa "butuh" untuk bersyukur, sehingga selalu mencari-cari hal sekecil apapun untuk merasa syukur dan cukup.

Nafsu manusia kalau diikuti terus tidak akan ada habisnya sampai iPhone seri 29, sampai TV superdupermega ultra HD, sampai mobil bisa terbang dan sampai skincare bisa bikin mulus wajah dalam semalam. Namun, rejeki tidak selamanya melimpah, semua telah diatur. Kita tak selamanya mujur. Rejeki untuk memenuhi tuntutan nafsu manusia, perkembangan teknologi dan kebutuhan jasmani rohani kita tidak akan kekal.

Keberuntungan itu ada porsinya, bisa dibilang gantian. Jadi saya pribadi ingin melatih diri agar mudah bersyukur khususnya saat kesulitan, karena hakikatnya bersyukur itu melegakan hati. Bersyukur menurut paham saya menghindarkan kita untuk terseret jauh oleh nafsu itu sendiri. Bersyukur selain membuat kita merasa cukup, juga membuat kita dicukupi oleh yang Maha. Paling tidak itu yang saya rasakan. Dan saya ingin terus meyakini itu. #AyoBersyukur